Commandment with Promise
What does it mean to honor your parents?
Upon the birth of a new nation, Israel, God gave to Moses ten commandments to be the foundation of their government. The fifth of those commands is the first commandment given with a promise for keeping it. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Exodus 20:12). Some would argue that the promise (and perhaps the command) was intended only for Israel. However, the command is repeated in the New Testament for application to us today. “Honor your father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise); that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:2). This repeat of the command was given to the saints in Ephesus and to the faithful in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 1:1).
The verse in Ephesians falls in the context of instructions to families. The last part of chapter five tells how husbands and wives should behave in their relationship. Chapter six tells how children should relate to their parents.
“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). The first thing a parent needs to teach a child is to obey his parents. To obey is “to do what you are told to do, when you are told to do it, with the right heart attitude.” At first, there is no need to give reason. They are to obey simply because a parent has said it.
As the child matures some, child training involves teaching them why a command is given. Obedience should first be required, then they may ask, “why?” Understanding the reason is not a prerequisite to obedience.
When the child approaches the time that they will leave home and live an individual and responsible life, they should be given the opportunity to make more decisions themselves. This does not mean that they should demand that privilege (rebelling against their parents). Rather, parents should wisely give those opportunities.
As long as the child lives at home, he should submit to the household rules set in place by his parents. This means to follow those rules willingly with a good attitude. However, when the child leaves home, the “rule” changes from obedience to honor.
“Honor your father and mother.” In early years, obedience is the first demonstration of that honor. As John MacArthur states, “Honor is the attitude behind the act. The act is obedience, and honor is the attitude. Remember that an act without the proper attitude is hypocrisy.”
Strict obedience (no matter what) is no longer required after a child leaves the authority of his parents. However, honor is still required. In fact, a child should honor his parents until he (the child) dies. So, the questions arises, “how does a child honor his parents?”
First, it means to respect, reverence, admire, hold in high value. It not only means to consider them very valuable, but to show it. The same Greek word is used when speaking of God, “All men should honor the Son even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him” (John 5:23).
Also in Scripture, honoring parents means financial support. In Matthew 15:1-6, Jesus equates honor for parents as financial support for parents especially as they get older.
“So, the Old Testament law of honoring one’s parents meant that as long as a person lived, he was to respect and support his parents. During the first half of a person’s life, the parents give everything they have to supply the needs of their children. When they get to the point in life where they’re no longer able to meet their own needs, it becomes the responsibility of their children to take care of them. That is God’s way of making families stick together. The parents raise the children, and when the children are grown, they take care of their parents while also raising their own children, who are going to take care of them while they are raising their children. That way the family always stays together, and the righteous seed keeps being passed along.” (John F. MacArthur Jr., The Fulfilled Family, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1981)
